Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
