you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
