I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
