wanna go halves on a baby?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
