They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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