Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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