I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
