Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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