Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
