Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
As shirtless as possible
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
