we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
