best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
