just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
