how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
