Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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