I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
