Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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