those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
