The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
