We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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