I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
