Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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