The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
