i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
