I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
