I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
