If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
