he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
