I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
