omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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