so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
