We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
