Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
