Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
