I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
