I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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