he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have so many feelings about this burrito
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
