Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
