I cannot find my penis.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
