Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
