She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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