Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
