Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
