My sheets look like a crime scene.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
