I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
