I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
