I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
