So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
