The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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