she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
