I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
